finding the Prophet in his people

Last night, my son had an ikhtibaar (exam) at the jami'yyah -- he was being tested for the portion of the Qur'aan he has learnt so far. His ustaadh took him and a couple of other kids from his neighbourhood halaqah to the (bigger) masjid where the exam was being held.
After the exam, he brought the kids back and on the way he played them a cassette of anaasheed on his car stereo.
It made a huge impression on my son. ''He played the cassette especially for us, Umma,'' he said.

At other times, I've heard my son narrating ahaadeeth and stories his teachers have told him, and even personal anecdotes from the ustaadh's childhood. Once, the teachers herded all the kids together in their personal cars and took them to a playground to play football, another time they were taken on a trip to an amusement park and plied with their favourite snacks.

Needless to say, their kindness makes a big difference to their students. Mind you, these aren't their regular schoolteachers but part-time teachers who are probably students themselves, who've taken up the enormously daunting task of keeping unruly bunches of young schoolboys in one piece through the long summer hours and helping them revise their Qur'aan.

After picking them up, there was still time for salah, so we headed back home and stopped at the masjid that's right in front of our home to pray 'isha. I sent my sons off to the men's section, and they popped right back looking a bit worried, saying there's no one there except the mu'aththin.
Not wanting them to kill time, I sent them back and asked my elder son to ask the mu'aththin if he would allow him to say athaan just this once.
He came back looking a bit crushed, cheeks and ears aflame: ''He said no.''
From my other son, I gathered that the mu'aththin had been a bit...umm..brusque in his refusal.

I could understand the mu'aththin's point of view -- he had the rules to think of, and the masjid committee and possibly other worshippers who could ask him why he'd relegated his duty to a child.
What I couldn't understand was the brusqueness, the lack of kindness in his refusal.
At times like these, I miss Rasoolullaah صلىالله عليه وسلم .
How can the followers of the Prophet صلىالله عليه وسلم who took bay'ah in all seriousness from a group of children in his masjid, who said man laa yarham, laa yurham of the man who hadn't ever kissed any of his children, who patted children on the head as he passed them on the street neglect to follow his primary sunnah of kindness, while scrupulously sticking to all others?

It reminded me of something I'd read by Dr. Ingrid Mattson, on Finding the Prophet in his People, where she recounts her experiences as a new Muslim, and later as a Muslim mother.
Definitely worth a read, and a pause for thought.

''Indians are obsequious'' and other racist claptrap

For me, one of the biggest challenges of living 'abroad' has been having one's 'nationality' -- and all the positive and negative stereotypes that go with it -- rubbed in one's face several times a day. Never mind if you can't tie a sari to save your life or don't cook nihari for breakfast every weekend, people just assume that you do all the things desis are supposed to do in bollywood movies and tv serials, but are just too embarrassed to admit it in public.
How irritating is that?!
I've been brought up to be polite and considerate, to be solicitous of others' well-being before one's own, to never, ever be outright rude but to withdraw (from conversations/relationships) if they're heading towards a nasty, messy showdown.
To have regular good manners thought of as a racial characteristic, a vestige from years of being colonised makes me want to go up in smoke, honestly. Is this a sign of the times or what, when people are so used to being treated badly that plain ole good manners seem OTT?
This is just a waseeyah to my kids (in case good manners are extinct and completely out of fashion by the time they grow up): don't lose your adab just because people around you have lost theirs/don't appreciate/recognise good manners when they see some .

As Ustaadh Muhammad Al-Shareef writes: Rasul Allah, sal Allah alayhi wa sallam, said, "A believer mayachieve the status of one who fasts during the day regularly andspends the night regularly in prayer: through his good manners."
[Lessons from this Hadith]Ask yourself, what outstanding characteristic am I lacking inthe most? And then, for the next 10 days, just work on buildingthat blessed characteristic into your outstanding mannersportfolio!''

fee amaanillaah

I thought I was scared of flying too, until this time.
Travelling on my own for the first time, I actually dared to peep out of the open window shades.
To see swirls of light and dark clouds, pinpoints of light, mountains and the sea, and a magic horizon that seemed to veer out of reach just as the 'plane reached closer.
I felt so close to Him, the Owner of the Ways of Ascent, to whom ascend the angels and the Rooh.
I truly felt fee amaanillaah (in Allaah's preserve). subhaanallaah.

***

In other news, it wasn't just my imagination: I now have it on good authority that people (airlines staff and travellers) are definitely unfriendlier to mums with babies and much more accommodating to single ladies travelling alone.

Each time I've travelled with kids in tow I've had to weather condescending clucks of the tongue, semi-exasperated sighs from strangers of all shapes and stripes. However, this time, ironically when I needed very little help/assistance from people, everyone was uber polite and eager to please. What's up with that?


Reminds me of this really sweet article that I'd posted the last time I travelled, worth a re-post I think:
Beauty v/s Babies and Beards
By: Rabbi Shmuley Boteach (courtesy: Beliefnet)
Have you ever tried to infiltrate business class holding a baby? Had I arrived with something actually ticking that said “BOMB” in big, bold letters, I would have been accorded a more pleasant reception. Everyone looked at me as if I had boarded with an obvious contagious disease. The baby, coupled with the fact that the guy bringing “it” on board had a yarmulke and an unruly beard (i.e., obviously one of those religious fanatics who is far too fertile by half), had most of the passengers ready to trade in their expensive business-class tickets to fly cargo.
Next, the official persecution began. After great efforts on my part to get settled with my baby into my seat, while maintaining access to the thirty books that I needed to research my next book, the flight attendant walked over. “Is that your seat?” she asked, skepticism oozing out of every well-powdered pore. I confirmed that it was. “Are you sure?” she asked. I confirmed that I was. “I’m going to have to see your boarding pass.” I was indignant. “Let me get this straight,” I said to her. “There are thirty passengers in business, and you single me out and demand my boarding pass?” “If you don’t immediately present your boarding pass, I will have you removed from the airplane.” I picked up the baby, removed the library from my lap, reached into the overhead compartment, rummaged through my bag, found the boarding pass, presented it to the stewardess, and took a deep breath. She looked it over. There it was, in black and white, Seat 2F. “Wait here,” she said. She went to the front of the aircraft, returning a few minutes later. “Were you upgraded on this flight?” “No,” I said, “I was booked in business from the outset.” Foiled in her mission to rid business class of beards and babies, she retreated to the other well-coiffed stewardess, and spent the next ten hours whispering and pointing, even after the baby was transferred to my wife who was sitting with the common folks.
Fast forward, two weeks. I am now traveling first class on a flight from Newark to Dallas, courtesy of a TV station. I have no baby, just a laptop. They announce that First Class passengers may board. I start ambling forward when, pushing through the crowd, I am scuttled aside by a very tall, leggy blonde. Her arrogant demeanor says one thing: model. Within a few minutes she is ensconced in her bulkhead seat, a pristine white poodle by her side, which she hugs and kisses and shares her drink with. First I have to witness the nauseating spectacle of all of the female flight attendants queuing up to pet the dog. “Oh, is this yours? She’s just gorgeous. Oh, Stacy, come and look at this beautiful little furry thing.” How my baby and I had earlier been treated immediately comes to mind. Later I notice that the flight attendants pretend not to see when Missy Long Legs holds the pooch during landing when “it” should have been put in its container.
The hypothetical scoreboard high in the clouds reads, Beauty: One, Beard: Zero.
Dog: One. Baby: Zero. I was frankly flummoxed by the degree of attention that was heaped upon this passenger, and how the other women treated her as their natural superior. In 1996, nearly 700,000 Americans underwent plastic surgery for aesthetic purposes. In the U.S. people spend more money on beauty than they do on education or social services—a good illustration of our priorities.
There is something seriously wrong in the world when children are treated as a nuisance while dogs are treated as love objects. And there is something seriously amiss when appearance, rather than actions, can dictate likeability. There is something dangerously off track when men and women who love children, and aren't afraid to have large families, must feel apologetic and guilty for doing so. To paraphrase Martin Luther King, we await the day when our children will be judged by the content of their character rather than the comeliness of their skin. And we await the day when the fact of our children’s existence is not judged at all, but seen as the embodiment of infinite blessing .

Anthea Turner, a forward on Martha-Stewart types, and life on fast-forward

We spent this weekend at a picturesque (and according to Rasha, "posh") villa located on the edge of a mountain (think mists covering a deep, deep valley on one side and an artificial dam lit up by fairy lights across the road) because we ran out of water at our house and the water tanker wouldn't be available until after Friday prayers.
We're also in the process of shifting (at least mentally, we haven't got down to the nitty gritty yet) to another place.
Each day as we zoom off to our respective workplaces I can feel time passing us by.
Just looking at the kids and seeing them growing up (maa shaa Allaah) before our eyes makes it seem as if we're living life on fast-forward...as if moments are passing us by without giving us time to savour / absorb them fully.
Sometimes, I feel like I am literally running out of life.

***

I got this forward and laughed out loud.
House Cleaning Tips for New Mothers or 30 Minutes to a Cleaner House
You're getting company in 30 minutes. Your house is a mess.WHAT WILL YOU DO?
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the first session of Housekeeping Tips for New Mothers. If you're a Martha Stewart type of housekeeper, this column is NOT for you. However, for the rest of you, this is your chance to learn 15 Secret Shortcuts to Good Housekeeping that your mother never told you.
SECRET TIP 1: DOOR LOCKS
If a room clearly can't be whipped into shape in 30 days, much less 30 minutes, employ the Locked Door Method of cleaning. Tell anyone who tries to go in the room that you accidentally locked the door and can't find the key. Of course, the locksmith can't possibly come until tomorrow. CAUTION: It is not advisable to use this tip for the bathroom.Time: 2 seconds
SECRET TIP 2: DUCT TAPE
No home should be without an ample supply. Not only is it handy for plumbing repairs, but it's a great way to hem drapes, tablecloths, clothes, just about anything. No muss, no fuss.Time: 2-3 minutes
SECRET TIP 3: OVENS
If you think ovens are just for baking, think again. Ovens represent at least 9 cubic feet of hidden storage space, which means they're a great place to shove dirty dishes, dirty clothes, or just about anything you want to get out of sight when company's coming.Time: 2 minutes
SECRET TIP 4: CLOTHES DRYERS
Like Secret Tip 3, except bigger. CAUTION: Avoid hiding flammable objects here.Time: 2.5 minutes
SECRET TIP 5: WASHING MACHINES & FREEZERSLike Secret Tip 4, except even bigger. Time: 3 minutesSECRET
TIP 6: DUST RUFFLES
No bed should be without one. Devotees of Martha Stewart believe dust ruffles exist to keep dust out from under a bed or to help coordinate the colorful look of a bedroom. The rest of us know a dust ruffle's highest and best use is to hide whatever you've managed to shove under the bed. (Refer to Secret Tips 3, 4, 5.)Time: 4 minutes
SECRET TIP 7: DUSTINGThe 30-Minutes-To-A-Clean-House method says: Never dust under what you can dust around.Time: 3 minutes
SECRET TIP 8: DISHESDon't use them. Use plastic or paper plates and you won't have to.Time: 1 minute
SECRET TIP 9: CLOTHES WASHING (EEWWW)This secret tip is brought to you by an inventive teenager. When this teen's mother went on a housekeeping strike for a month, the teen discovered you can extend the life of your underwear by two ...if you turn it wrong side out and, yes, rerun it. CAUTION: This tip is recommended only for teens and those who don't care if they get in a car wreck.Time: 3 seconds
SECRET TIP 10: IRONINGIf an article of clothing doesn't require a full press and your hair does, a curling iron is the answer. In between curling your hair, use the hot wand to iron minor wrinkles out of your clothes. Yes, it really does work, or so I'm told, by other disciples of the 30-Minutes-To-A-Clean-House philosophy. Time: 5 minutes (including curling your hair)
SECRET TIP 11: VACUUMINGStick to the middle of the room, which is the only place people look. Don't bother vacuuming under furniture. It takes way too long and no one looks there anyway.Time: 5 minutes, entire house; 2 minutes, living room only
SECRET TIP 12: LIGHTINGThe key here is low, low, and lower. It's not only romantic, but bad lighting can hide a multitude of dirt.Time: 10 seconds
SECRET TIP 13: BED MAKING
Get an old-fashioned waterbed. No one can tell if those things are made up or not, saving you, oh, hundreds of seconds over the course of a lifetime.Time: 0
SECRET TIP 14: SHOWERS, TOILETS, AND SINKSForget one and two. Concentrate on three.Time: 1 minute
SECRET TIP 15:If you already knew at least 10 of these tips, don't even think about inviting a Martha Stewart type to your home.
For some reason it reminded me of Anthea Turner's show that I like to watch, if only to reassure myself that I'm not alone.

Into the Mind of a Mum (3)

Why I won't buy you a or a and no, my name isn't Ebenezer Scrooge.
okay, I won't buy you or let you buy a laptop or a must-have mobile even though we both have the money to buy both those things (alhamdulillaah) because:
a) It's the old need v/s want thing.
Why on earth would you need a personal laptop at your age when we've got our vintage computer and my dell? (decrepit and lately defunct, but dell all the same). Yes, I know the ratio of users v/s computers in our house is skewed, but still...

b) I'm old fashioned and genetically desi. That translates to: i believe that if you want something really bad which you don't really need, you should work for it. You know what that means...more messed up rooms to clean at the exorbitant rate of SR 100 per room...but think of the satisfaction you'll get when you'll eventually have earned enough money from the sweat of your brow...just think!

c) Laptops allow you to spend unlimited time surfing the net or writing mystery stories and mobiles make it easy for you to call /text random people just to see what they're up to ...both induce you to waste time and money. Why would I let you buy something like that?

d) Seriously though, after seeing what happened to my miskeen old laptop and (just yesterday) my pathetic mobile, how can you even think of having fancy new ones in a house full of sippy cups and leaking bottles, curious fingers and mechanically inclined little minds?

Into the Mind of a Mum (2)

Why I won't let you fool around with your hair / face.

Cross posted on the Sisters-in-Faith blog .

Into the Mind of a Mum (1)

I'm thinking of starting a series of posts that unravel the workings of a mum's mind. Mind you, this is not a generic Mum I'm talking about, this is specifically about the thoughts of one mum among millions: me (not to imply that I'm one in a million or anything :P) so that kids in general and my own kids in particular, get an insight into what's really behind a mother's seemingly bizarre and/or unreasonable commands/demands.

Today, I'm going to start with:

Why I won't let you make an internet ''friend''

You know, in desiland they have this saying: someone who's been burnt by (hot) milk, will drink even (cold) buttermilk by carefully blowing on it. Clumsy translation I know, but basically the message is the same: once bitten twice shy.

After having 'met' and interacted with, confided in, shared work, life histories, experiences, ideas and laughs out loud with plenty of people online, I feel patently qualified to tell you kids that an online ''friendship'' is definitely not for you.

Here are my reasons why:

1. There are scores of criminals and sick people cruising the internet, just waiting to sink their talons into gullible young people looking for an online 'friend'.

I keep reading these stories in the media of how youngsters are lured into conversations with people posing as 'friends' their own age that eventually lead them to great harm.

I think you should be aware of this... this is not just happening to other people, it could happen to anyone. I won't let you expose yourself to this danger, just like I wouldn't let you walk down a busy, unlit road alone at night.

As'alAllaahu al'afwa wal aafiyah.

I ask Allaah to protect you and all the other kids who are careless/unaware of this aspect from all harm.

PS: This site has some useful internet safety rules for Muslim kids...a really beneficial read.

2. On the internet, you are an online 'persona' not a real 'person'.

Sure, online friends might share their thoughts and ideas and innermost feelings with you and you might do the same, but you'll never know the sum total of their personality and they'll never know what you are all about, unless you meet and interact with them in real life.

You know how it is with people, you come to really know them after meeting them over a period of several years -- the nuances of their characters, their good and bad qualities (and yours) are revealed slowly through time and different circumstances.

On the other hand, what you know about people online is what they tell you, you can't make any conclusions of your own because you haven't seen them, haven't heard their tone of voice or observed their body language. You've no idea how they will react when things aren't all that rosy...for example if you have a disagreement / argument.

Sometimes people end up saying things they shouldn't have said / giving out TMI (too much information) about themselves or unconsciously hurting people by their words / actions online. You know it's impossible to unsay words and undo actions, moreso in a virtual world.

So, I strongly feel that instead of investing your time and emotions into someone who really can't be there for you when you need them or when they need you (in moments of crisis / need) you would be better off without all this hassle and unnecessary drama.

You can spend your time and efforts a whole lot more fruitfully by making connections with real people around you, who you can relate with and depend on, who can see you and who can do things for you, and vice versa.

3. Internet friends are for old (er) people

I know this sounds like a double standard, but I firmly believe that kids don't have the psychological maturity, emotional intelligence or fine-honed discretion to make online friends like older, more experienced and well-weathered people do .

No seriously, as you see more of the world, you learn to pick people with greater care and some of us develop this fine instinct / intuition that helps us zero in on the right people and steer clear of the others, alhamdulillaah.

I've 'met' and talked to and had some really stimulating, enriching exchanges with some amazing people over the internet whose existence I'd have been completely unaware of otherwise. Unfortunately, you have to be (at least) my age before you have the know-how to do that :P

So until then, please chill.

• Remember Allaah and make duaa so that He blesses you with tayyib rizq -- companions and friends whose love brings benefit near Him.
• Connect with people around you (cousins, school-friends / family friends' kids).
• Make 'friends' with your siblings instead of always being at war.
• Talk to your parents if you're lonely / confused / need someone to confide in.

• Spend time with the best of people:

"It is reported from Nu’aym bin Hammaad:‘Abdullah bin Al-Mubaarak used to often stay at home, so he was asked, “Don’t you get lonely?” He replied, “How could I get lonely when I am with the Prophet – Allaah’s peace and blessings be upon him (i.e. I read his hadeeth)?”

Also on the authority of Nu’aym bin Hammaad:It was once said to ‘Abdullah bin Al-Mubaarak, “O Abu ‘Abd Al-Rahmaan, you often sit alone at home.” He said, “I am alone? I am with the Prophet - Allaah’s peace and blessings be upon him – and his Companions.” Meaning: reading hadeeth.

Ibn ‘Asaakir, Taareekh Dimashq 32/458.Shaqeeq bin Ibraaheem reports:It was once said to ‘Abdullah bin Al-Mubaarak, “After you have prayed with us you don’t sit with us?” He replied, “I go and sit with the Sahaabah and the Taabi’een.” We said, “And how can you sit with the Sahaabah and Taabi’een (when they have all passed away)?” He replied, “I go and read the knowledge I have collected, I find their narrations and deeds. What would I do with you? You sit around backbiting people.”

[Adh-Dhahabee, Siyar A’laam Al-Nubalaa' in his biography of ‘Abdullah bin Al-Mubaarak.]

In conclusion, I won't let you be/have an online friend because I love you and want to do the right thing for you, even though you might not agree with me/ understand why it has to be this way, right now.

in shaa Allaah, one day you'll know.

Friday khutbah I attended

For the past two Fridays I've had the chance to go for Friday khutbah, alhamdulillaah.

Usually Friday mornings are an impossible whirl of activity, but some days things work themselves out by the will of Allaah (subhaanallaah, there is no other explanation) and I find myself inside the masjid, surrounded by the scents of rayhaan and oud, the muted sounds of women softly reading the Qur'aan or their athkaar, others praying their tahaiyyatul masjid.

Earlier, I used to find it stressful getting ready on time and getting out of the house at X hour to catch the khutbah so I'd just bundle the kids out with Abu RR, but these days alhamdulillaah, the masjid seems like an istaraahah, a place to catch one's spiritual breath.

As if in congruence to my thoughts, there's a little computer print-out at the entrance of the masjid (in Arabic):

Imaam Ahmad was asked: mataa Raahah ? (When is Raahah i.e. when will there be an end to cares?)
He said: 'Inda awwal qadam adh'ahaa fil Jannah. (When the first foot is placed inside Jannah.''

Daal-chawal with a capital K

So yesterday we tried Koshary from a restaurant called Koshary an-Neel.

The name conjured some really exotic images for me...I imagined a harmonious commingling of sun-kissed rice and tomatoes with fragrant spices from the Mother of All-Civilisation (Umm Dunya) and some sort of meat (it's an Egyptian dish after all :P).

Imagine my feelings when we unpacked our 'safari' order to encounter daal-chawal with shatta with layers of salty macaroni and spaghetti strings on top, with a few boiled chickpeas strewed on for good measure.

Good, hearty meal all right, but definitely not what I was expecting. Perhaps I get my hopes up too soon?
Anyway here's the recipe (with pictures and a story to go with them) for days when you want to make daal-chaawal by another name. :)

if there's one thing I could bring back from the big city..

..it'd be the sea.

(we were by the corniche on the 14th of the month, in time to see the moon tempting the surging tide to soar higher and higher, almost unto itself. subhaanallaah.)

and the books.
I spent so much time in bookstores breathing in the precious fragrance of paper and fresh ink, it reminded me of my childhood dream of growing up to be a librarian or a bookshop owner, just to be surrounded by the latest books and to be able to read them at leisure.

after living so long in our small town, big cities seem strange, though.
the people walk faster. and look/act so much "smarter".
there are barely any ra'see abayas anymore.
nobody raises an eyebrow when young girls traipse around in malls wearing painted-on abayas , side-partings showing from pushed-back shaylas, and pink nailpolish.
people refuse you common courtesies (that you take for granted in small towns).
nobody knows you and you don't know where you can find the nearest pharmacy that sells your baby's herbal tea.
the city looks strange, even after you concede to yourself that you are looking at it through a stranger's eyes.

5 things I'd tell my kids about 'How to Win Friends and Get Along With People'

When I was growing up, my parents and sometimes other elders would advise me (no, naseeha wasn't a bad word back then) about life in general and about people in specific, and how to deal with them. Think of it as a rudimentary People Skills 101 initiation.

This was usually when I was going overboard with a new *friend*, making completely inappropriate new acquaintances, spending too much time with other people unsuitable for company...etc. etc. etc.

When I was on the receiving end of all that naseeha, I'd usually think (I was much too polite to say it out loud to an elder's face): It isn't necessary that what you've seen/known of people is an absolute truth, there are different kinds of people and perhaps the people you've known/seen/had bad experiences with are different from the one's I'm dealing with.

But now, in retrospect, I'm awestruck at how spot-on all that advice was.

Children need an elder's perspective on people...they know too little of life to get by on their own.
So, I was thinking, if I had to tell my own children a couple of golden People Skill Rules, what would I say?

1.
إِن يَنصُرْكُمُ اللّهُ فَلاَ غَالِبَ لَكُمْ
وَإِن يَخْذُلْكُمْ فَمَن ذَا الَّذِي يَنصُرُكُم مِّن بَعْدِهِ
وَعَلَى اللّهِ فَلْيَتَوَكَّلِ الْمُؤْمِنُونَ

If Allaah helps you, none can overcome you;
and if He forsakes you, who is there after Him that can help you?
And in Allaah (Alone) let believers put their trust.
[Qur'aan 3:160]

There...you can chuck social *networking* and all the pseudo airkissing routine along with sucking up to *important* people right out of the window...sure, be nice, polite, respectful, considerate in the Sunnah of the Prophet صلىالله عليه وسلم in all sincerity, but never as in N.E.V.E.R think that people can be of benefit/harm in a worldly/otherworldly sense.

It's only Allaah and Him Alone who holds the keys of all the good/bad that can befall you and in Him Alone put your trust, and Him Alone ask for help.

PS:I can't stress this enough, hence the red bolded font, fahimt?


2. Love for others what you love for yourself
The Prophet صلىالله عليه وسلم said: "laa yu'minu ahadakum hattaa yuhibbu li akheeh ma yuhibbu li nafsih."
Anas, may Allaah be pleased with him, relates that the Prophet صلىالله عليه وسلمsaid: “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]

It's a really deep hadeeth which has endless scope for reflection if you think about it. Here the Prophet صلىالله عليه وسلم linked faith itself to one's reciprocal treatment of others.
If you don't like to be treated badly, don't treat others badly, because if you do, you are actually violating your faith.

The more I think about this hadeeth, the more I feel humbled and awed by Rasoolullaah's hikmah and the unsurpassed gift he, صلىالله عليه وسلم had, of speaking volumes within the space of a few words...subhaanallaah!

3. Love Allaah and His Messengerصلىالله عليه وسلم, and you will be granted the gift of the love of his creatures (whose love brings benefit near Allaah)

Narrated Abu Hurairah, may Allaah be pleased with him:
The Prophetصلىالله عليه وسلم said: "If Allaah loves a person, He calls Gabriel saying, 'Allaah loves so and-so; O Gabriel! Love him.' Gabriel would love him and make an announcement amongst the inhabitants of Heaven. 'Allaah loves so-and-so, therefore you should love him also,' and so all the inhabitants of Heaven would love him, and then he is granted the love of the people on the earth and is regarded well by them." [Sahih Al-Bukhari]

There you go...you don't have to be a people-pleaser, because as my pet paraphrase goes:
You can please some of the people all the time,
and all the people some of the time,
but it's IMPOSSIBLE (not to mention exhausting and self-defeating) to try and please all the people all the time.

Your best bet is to try and please Allaah in all that you do, and the rest will follow.

4. People are Rizq from Allaah and part of your Qadr.
I honestly believe that all the people that we meet/interact with in our lifetime ...right from the parents whose homes we are born into to the spouses we "choose" or the friendships we "make" are part of Allaah's portion of sustenance for us; we have been decreed to know them and have them enter our lives.
Alhamdulillaah, there's something beneficial to learn from all your interactions with people...even the good, bad and indifferent people. Look at these interactions as Allaah's way of teaching you lessons in life and living and always keep learning and praying to Allaah to grant you the best rizq in this world and the next.

5. You won't always get along with people.
This is the toughest, most terrible truth and it might seem incomprehensible to you when you're young.
As you grow older, you'll find your life littered with 'had-beens', 'could've beens', 'should've beens'. Believe me, in spite of trying your best, there will be friendships that fall apart, relationships that change over time.
The one thing that you can and should do is to pray:
رَبَّنَا اغْفِرْ لَنَا وَلِإِخْوَانِنَا الَّذِينَ سَبَقُونَا بِالْإِيمَانِ
وَلَا تَجْعَلْ فِي قُلُوبِنَا غِلًّا لِّلَّذِينَ آمَنُوا
رَبَّنَا إِنَّكَ رَؤُوفٌ رَّحِيمٌ
"Our Lord! Forgive us and our brethren who have preceded us in Faith,
And put not in our hearts any ill-feeling/hatred against those who have believed.
Our Lord! You are indeed full of kindness, Most Merciful."

May Allaah make you and me safe from the sharr of our own souls and from the sharr of the people and Jinns; and make us among the people of Jannah, whose hearts will be cleansed of all ill-feeling towards other people... who will be seated facing each other in gardens underneath which rivers flow, in the best and most blessed companionship, faces beaming at attaining the ultimate and everlasting happiness.
Aameen.

May Allaah accept!

Ed: Our Imaam calls the day of 'Eid 'Yawm al Jawaa-iz', the Day of Prizes, where everyone's efforts in Ramadhaan are evaluated and awarded. He calls Ramadhaan a 'madrassah' from where people graduate with different scores and at different levels.

This is why my 'Eid greeting of choice is: Taqabbal Allaah minna wa minkum; may Allaah accept from us and from you, for without His acceptance all one's efforts and intentions are reduced to nothing...and there is no real happiness without earning His pleasure.

***

P.S: : If you haven't seen the sisters-in-faith blog 'Eid makeover, you don't know the meaning of 'festooned in festivity' yet.

No really, it's the most exciting 'Eid template, complete with an incandescent crescent and colourful fireworks...good work, Rasha-Rida!

***

P.PS: For people like me, who like seeing new places through other people's eyes, this is a real site for sore eyes: MuslimPhotos.

It has pictures of masaajid and other places of historical interest from around the world. I especially liked the gallery section called 'Prophets were Here' which has pictures of places which were actually visited by several Prophets. There's Makkah and various sites in Madeenah, Jerusalem, Damascus and even a picture of the ruins of the church in Syria where the Christian monk Bahira saw the Prophet صلىالله عليه وسلم as a young child and recognised the signs of Prophethood in him.

Very interesting pictures, maa shaa Allaah. Look them up!

Ramadhaan Q & A

10 Questions with Rasha & Rida

What's the best thing you like to eat at suhoor?

Rasha: Cheese sandwich and milk
Rida : Dates

ًWhat's one thing you can't do without at iftaar?
Rasha: Water

Rida: Dates and chicken nuggets

What's your favourite Ramadhaan memory?

Rasha: When we went for Umrah last Ramadan

Your favourite duaa?
Rasha: The du'aa the Prophet used to say after breaking his fast : ''Thahab athama' wa ibtallatil 'urooq wa thabat alajr in shaa Allah"

Rida: The duaa we say before iftaar: Allaahummaa laka sumt, wa 'ala rizqeka aftartu

Your favourite sahaabi?

Rasha: Ummmm…. I like Saad bin Abi Waqqas, and also Umar bin Khattab…maybe 'cause I behave like him sometimes :)

Rida: 'Uthmaan bin Affaan, because he was so kind and generous and gentle and shy.

Your favourite incident from the life of the Prophet?
Rasha: When the Prophet (Sallalahu 'alayhi wa sallam) was emigrating from Makkah to Madinah… when the people of Yathrib were welcoming him; it was sooooooo sad and poignant.

Rida: When the prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam heard the voice of Gabriel at Jabal An-noor teaching him the quran for the first time.

Your favourite reciter of the Qur'aan?
Rasha: Abba, of course :) and Sheikh Salah bu Khatir and Sheikh Shuraim.
Rida: Abba and Salah bu khatir :)

The soorah/ayah that you like to read in salah?
Rasha: Ummm… Surah Taha.
Rida: Soorah Qisas and Maryam (b/z it has a story in it and I like soorahs with stories)

One habit from Ramadhaan that you'd like to carry over to the rest of the year?
Rasha: To complete a khatmah every month, in shaa Allaah!!
Rida: Fasting till I've tons of weight!!

What do you miss the most about Ramadhaan when it's over?
Rasha: Fasting, and the way everyone's controlling themselves or at least trying to ;) (their manners)

Rida: The time before breaking the fast when all our duaas can be accepted

***

10 Questions with The Ed

What's the best thing you like to eat at suhoor?
porridge and milk.

What's one thing you can't do without at iftaar?
water

What's your favourite Ramadhaan memory?
Stopping at Nimas on the road to Makkah to break our fast with home-made chocolate fudge brownies in a masjid that was covered by swirling mist and great gusts of chilly winds. I was a novice at road trips then and didn't want to go any further b/z one couldn't see the road b/z of the fog!

Your favourite duaa?
I guess duaas reflect a state of mind and my favourite duaas keep changing all the time, but my all time favourite is:
Allaahumma arinal haqqa haqqan, warzuqnaa ittiba'aahu/
wa arinal baatila baatilan, warzuqnaa ijtinaabahu.

Your favourite sahaabi/sahaabiyaat and why do you like him/her the most?
This is so tough!
Actually there are many companions whom I admire (Abu Bakr, Umar, Uthmaan, 'Ali, Abu Tharr, Muaath bin Jabal, Huthayfah bin Yaman) and others whom I find inspiring (Mus'ab bin Umayr, Nusaybah) and yet others whom I envy (in a good/wistful way) for their closeness to the Prophet صلىالله عليه وسلم(all the Prophet's family…his wives and children and relatives, Usamah bin Zayd, Barakah Umm Ayman, Umm Sulaym)

I guess my favourite companion is the un-named woman who was told of the loss of her father, brother and sons in battle and kept asking how the Prophetصلىالله عليه وسلم was; until when she saw for herself that he صلىالله عليه وسلمwas safe she sobbed with relief and said that all her losses didn't matter as long as he صلىالله عليه وسلم was alright.

Your favourite incident from the life of the Prophetصلىالله عليه وسلم?
Hmmm…tough one again.
The time when the Bedouin Arab came to meet the Prophet صلىالله عليه وسلمand told him that he hadn't prepared much for the Hereafter, but he loved Allaah and His Prophet, and the Prophetصلىالله عليه وسلم replied that he would be with those whom he loved.
It gives me hope!

Your favourite reciter of the Qur'aan?
Make that reciters! Abu-R, all of you kids, Sh. Abdul Mun'im Abdul Mubdi, Sa'ad al Ghamdi, Sh. Salah, Sh. Huthayfi, Sh. Husayn Aal Shaykh, and last but not the least Sh. Hawwaashi!

The soorah/ayah that you like to read in salah?
آمَنَ الرَّسُولُ بِمَا أُنزِلَ إِلَيْهِ مِن رَّبِّهِ وَالْمُؤْمِنُونَ كُلٌّ آمَنَ بِاللّهِ وَمَلَائِكَتِهِ وَكُتُبِهِ وَرُسُلِهِ لاَ نُفَرِّقُ بَيْنَ أَحَدٍ مِّن رُّسُلِهِ وَقَالُواْ سَمِعْنَا وَأَطَعْنَا غُفْرَانَكَ رَبَّنَا وَإِلَيْكَ الْمَصِيرُ


لاَ يُكَلِّفُ اللّهُ نَفْسًا إِلاَّ وُسْعَهَا لَهَا مَا كَسَبَتْ وَعَلَيْهَا مَا اكْتَسَبَتْ رَبَّنَا لاَ تُؤَاخِذْنَا إِن نَّسِينَا أَوْ أَخْطَأْنَا رَبَّنَا وَلاَ تَحْمِلْ عَلَيْنَا إِصْرًا كَمَا حَمَلْتَهُ عَلَى الَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِنَا رَبَّنَا وَلاَ تُحَمِّلْنَا مَا لاَ طَاقَةَ لَنَا بِهِ وَاعْفُ عَنَّا وَاغْفِرْ لَنَا وَارْحَمْنَا أَنتَ مَوْلاَنَا فَانصُرْنَا عَلَى الْقَوْمِ الْكَافِرِينَ

One habit from Ramadhaan that you'd like to carry over to the rest of the year?
Getting up for Qiyaam everyday, being more mindful of salah and careful about what I say and do .

What do you miss the most about Ramadhaan when it's over?
The sounds of taraweeh pouring in from everywhere at night.

*The* most chilled out Ramadhaan or (alhamdulillaah x infinity)

For all practical purposes, this Ramadhaan I should have been stressed out to the max.

I have a demanding, physically and mentally draining job, a new baby (alhamdulillaah) who demands nutrition and attention 24/7, besides the same-old, same-old routine of growing up the bunch of Rs Allaah has sent our way.

The writing on the wall says I should be tearing out my hair or staring dully into space at this point, halfway through Ramadhaan. But I'm not.

What gives?

I wish I could say for sure.

Perhaps it's something as simple as an answered prayer.

Last Ramadhaan, (which was incidentally one of the most stress and angst-filled times of my life) I prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed to Allaah 'azz wa jall, that if I lived to see another Ramadhaan, please let it be different from the spate of Ramadhaans I've virtually sleepwalked through like a spiritual zombie or an automaton.

alhamdulillaah, Allaah has heard.

This time, from the very beginning, I felt a deep tranquility descending on my heart, alhamdulillaah.

This Ramadhaan, Allaah created a cosy little space in my heart, a warm, sacred space where the soul can disappear even if I'm in the middle of customary bedlam and immersed in the mindboggling mundanity of mummyhood.

This Ramadhaan, I learnt to let go. Of expectations -- others' and my own -- and stopped trying to live out the semi-mythical idea of a perfect Ramadhaan.

This Ramadhaan, I made my own.

No store-bought, commercialised, idealised utopia for me. I am doing what I can, happily, joyously to the best of my ability; not racing on an invisible treadmill or glancing over my shoulder uneasily to see if others have caught up in the race to be super-mum, super-wife and super-muslimah.

This Ramadhaan, I rest easy in the knowledge that Allaah, Al-Lateef, Al-Khabeer knows the deepest secrets of our hearts and souls.

He knows I would much rather be doing some things, when I'm doing other things and may He accept the sincerity of our intentions inspite of the imperfection of our 'ibaadah.

May Allaah allow this Sakeenah to last long after Ramadhaan, in this world and beyond. Aameen.

Hope everyone's having an equally cool Ramadhaan, in shaa Allaah. Keep us in your prayers!

the struggle to keep it simple and sunnah

One of the biggest ironies of Ramadhaan is the enormous struggle it involves to keep it simple and sunnah. How difficult it is to be content with a minimum of food on the sufrah, when the supermarket aisles are flooded with food!
How hard it is for the Ummah of the Messengerصلىالله عليه وسلم who broke his fasts with fresh dates (Rutb) or if they were not to be found, three dry dates and some draughts of water, to be satisfied with less than what our senses demand!!

May Allaah makes us of those who follow the best of guides, and the best of guidance...and in doing so, enable us to drink from his fount, Al Kawthar, whose cups are as numerous as stars...whoever drinks from it will feel no thirst after that, ever.

Aameen.

On a (somewhat) related note, I found this relatively simple bunch of regular iftaar fare : salad, shorba, sambousa and chicken-rice on the GulfNews' tabloid! magazine, that looks simple enough to try out on a weekend.
happy feasting...errr, I mean fasting :P

Lemony Chicken pulao
Basmati rice 1 Kg
Diced chicken 1 kg
Onion slices 200 gms
Tomatoes sliced 200 gms
Ginger-garlic paste 100 gms
Whole garam masala 10 gms
Butter / ghee 200 ml
Lemon 4
Salt 30 gms
Green chillies 4
Coriander powder 10 gms
Cumin powder 10 gms
Coriander leaves chopped 50 gms
Brown onions 50 gms
Chopped mint 20 gms
Cinnamon powder 5 gms

Method
Soak the rice in water for 30 minutes. In a pot, sauté onions with garam masala till light brown, now add chicken and ginger-garlic paste and sauté for two minutes.
Add coriander powder, cumin powder and green chilli along with tomatoes.
Add 1litre of water and bring to boil. Now add coriander, mint and lemon cut into halves, with skin. Season with salt and bring it to boil for 5 minutes.
Add drained rice and cook on a slow fire with lid covered till the rice is cooked and the water is absorbed. Set on Dum for 10 minutes. Garnish with fried onions and sliced almonds and serve hot along with yoghurt raita.
TIP: SETTING ON DUM CAN BE SIMPLY DONE IF YOU HAVE AN OVEN WHICH CAN TAKE YOUR COOKING VESSEL. SEAL WITH A LID AND PLACE THE WHOLE VESSEL IN AN OVEN PREHEATED TO 350 DEGREES.

Watermelon and feta salad with ginger dressing
Diced watermelon 300 gms
Feta cheese, diced 150 gms
Lightly toasted sunflower and pumpkin seeds 50 gms
Dressing
Peeled and grated
fresh ginger tbsp 1
Honey 2 tbsp
Finely chopped mint 1 tsp
Lemon juice 20 ml
Method:
Dressing: Blend the ingredients in a bowl. Mix the watermelon and feta in a bowl so that they are evenly distributed. Lace the salad with the dressing. Garnish with the mixed seeds.
TIP: THIS SALAD NEEDS TO BE MADE AT THE LAST MINUTE TO KEEP THE FRESHNESS. HOWEVER THE SWEET GINGER DRESSING CAN BE MADE IN LARGER QUANTITY AND KEPT STORED IN THE REFRIGERATOR AND USED WITH OTHER SALADS.

Vegetable soup
Zucchini 100 gms
Carrots 100 gms
Mushroom 50 gms
Baby corn 50 gms
Green beans 100 gms
Potatoes 100 gms
Chopped tomatoes 100 gms
Coriander leaves 50 gms
Garlic 50 gms
Onion 50 gms
Olive oil 50 ml
Chinese thread noodle 50 gms
Saffron threads 2 pinches
Fine semolina 50 gms
Salt and pepper 5 gms
METHOD
Wash zucchini and mushrooms, peel the carrots and potatoes and grate the vegetables finely. Slice and chop the tomatoes. Chop the coriander leaves. Peel and mash the garlic. Chop the onions.
Lightly saute the onion and garlic in a sauce pan in a olive oil. Cut the thread noodles and add them. Also add the grated vegetables.
Fill the pan with 500ml water. Season with salt and pepper. Add saffron threads, coriander leaves. Cook for about 20 minutes.
Add semolina. Stir with a wooden spatula to bind the soup. Stir in the chopped tomatoes and butter. Serve soup in a soup bowl along with garlic bread.
TIP: SUBSTITUTE YOUR FAVOURITE PASTA IN PLACE OF THE THREAD NOODLES AND ENJOY IT JUST THE WAY YOU LIKE IT.

Spicy cheese sambousek
Dough
Refined flour 500 gms
Eggs 1
Melted butter 50 gms
Corn oil 50 ml
Milk 250 ml
Salt 10 gms
Sugar 10 gms

Stuffing
Cottage cheese 100 gms
Feta cheese 100 gms
Chopped ginger 10 gms
Chopped green chilli 10 gms
Cooking oil for frying 300 ml
Chilli powder 2 gms
Oil sunflower refined 10 ml
Roasted cumin powder 5 ml

Method
To make the dough, mix flour ,eggs, butter, corn oil, milk, salt, sugar and knead into soft dough. Cover and rest for 30 minutes.
For stuffing, crumble feta cheese, cottage cheese and mix in chopped coriander, ginger, green chillies, chilli powder and roasted cumin powder.
Roll the dough thin. Cut it into round shapes. Add 1tsp of cheese filling. Close it in a half moon shape, then press on the edges by using a fork. Fry in hot oil. Serve with sliced lemon, tomato, and mint chutney.
TIP: YOU CAN PREPARE THE SANBOUSER IN ADVANCE AND STORE IN A DEEP FREEZER. FRY AS SOON AS YOU REMOVE FROM THE FREEZER. DO NOT ALLOW TO THAW.

missing!

There are books whose sudden disappearance/absence from my life I mourn just like people...and this book is one of them: Bringing up children in Islam, an excellent English translation of the original Arabic Tarbiyat al-awlaad fil-Islaam by Sh. Abdullah Naasih Ulwaan. Someone (I've even forgotten who) borrowed it from our bookshelf a couple of years ago during the course of a visit, and that was the last I saw of it.

There is much to recommend the book...it's very extensively researched and full of authentic references, but most importantly has virtually none of the irritating typos/editorial errors that crop up in most Islamic self-help books.

Recently we bought a couple of books (summer holiday reading for the kids) and I was appalled beyond appalled to see the horrific editing...At one point I was tempted to take my red pen to one of them, correct it to the best of my ability and send it back to the publisher. Since the book was about the early generations of Muslims, who excelled in everything they did, it made me wonder about the legacy they left us latter-day Muslims...and the pathetic little we are doing to realise it.

anyway, the reason I was missing the book was that it had a chapter/section on zuhd (abstemiousness) for children with various instances from the lives of Muslims who realised the value of instilling this quality in their children at a young age. It cuts a sharp contrast to the doctrine of conspicuous consumption that our children are force-fed these days, but it was comforting to read that at some point in time, this wasn't the overwhelming norm that it is today.

a first!

for once I don't agree with India Knight (or at least not completely) .

more (lots and lots more) on this later (future, indefinite tense), in shaa Allaah.

sermons in stones and good in everything

I find The Lion King disturbing...besides the usual reasons that people cite for avoiding Disney movies, I find the sequence where little Simba's uncle Scar traps him right in the path of a wildebeest stampede he engineers himself (by promising him a "surprise to die for"), disturbingly realistic...how often do we hear of adults wilfully preying on vulnerable, trusting little minds!

still...one positive thing I got out of that movie was the need for life to be kept real for kids...it's absurd (and potentially dangerous) to shelter children to the extent that they start looking at everything/everyone with rose-tinted glasses.

I'm not saying that we should encourage children to grow into paranoid/non-trusting people, but yes, they definitely need to be aware of how there are people out there who could take unfair advantage of their naivete/vulnerability/trust.

What made me think of this was a report in The Times about a cartoon character called Dot: "...an imaginary nine-year-old girl called Miss Dorothy.Com – known to fans as Dot. Dot started as the main character on the site where children could log on for information on how to recognise and avoid danger. But she became central to a series of books for teachers, community leaders and pupils.

Dot is accompanied by a cast of characters including Wizard the dog, Cursor the Cat and Mister Mouse, who travel the virtual world and real schools teaching children.

“You can’t wrap your kids up in cotton wool and you can’t watch over them all the time,” says Sharon [Ed:the creator of Dot]. “Parents and schoolteachers often tell children off if they do something wrong, but really the best time to teach lessons in personal safety is beforehand in a safe environment. Prevention is better than cure.

“Dot is intentionally an out-of-the-ordinary kind of girl. She’s striking but not conventionally attractive. She’s got red hair and wears glasses. She has the problems we all have but she has bags of self-esteem and compassion. The children start by learning about Dot. They are shown by her example how to value their own feelings. Most importantly, they are taught to recognise the red flags that signal dangerous situations and how to blow the whistle.”

Lessons, which can be incorporated into the national curriculum for PSHE (personal, social and health education) and citizenship, ICT (information and communication technology) and literacy, are sometimes very specific such as the ones on internet safety. Sometimes they are in sensitive areas such as how to recognise and disclose adult behaviour.

Occasionally lessons are less easy to define – how to deal with anger or understand the difference between good and bad secrets. But they are always taught in the same structured and creative way. There is an introduction, objectives and a main activity where the topic is discussed through a creative exercise such as drawing or acting.

The lessons can be testing for young children but, according to Gill Frances, the director of children’s development at the National Children’s Bureau, they are crucial. “This programme is well-thought-out and children find it captivating. We all want our children to carry the baton forward – this is an excellent way to stop them dropping it.” Once children reach secondary school they move onto the second stage, a teen soap called Watch Over Me.

There are three series, each of nine episodes. The first is for 11-13s, the second for 13-15s and the last for those in their final years at school. Each episode is used as the stimulus for discussion on abuse, bullying, drugs, road safety, guns and knife crimes and racism.

3 years + over 500 posts = finis?

so...a lot of ppl have been writing in to ask where on earth are we, and to express extreme irritation at our frequent tendency to vanish without leaving a forwarding virtual address...jzkx 100000 for writing in...we're around alhamdulillaah, just extremely extremely bzzzzzy, alhamdulillaah...we haven't run out of things to say, just the time to say them in (:P)

I just realised today, it's been almost 3 years since we started this blog...subhaanallaah, time flies!

just like every other piece of personal writing out there, this blog has had its share of drama/dilemmas...but the one overwhelming ambition I've had for this site is for it be a positive space, where a reader's click leads them to something that can enlighten/amuse/enrich...elicit a thought process or a smile...and in shaa Allaah, I hope we've succeeded somewhat in that endeavour (notwithstanding the occasional rant aka 'thinking aloud' post :P)

I think one of the most positive things that happened on the blog was when we removed the site-meter and the comments option... doing away with that drastically reduced the pressure to 'perform' to our own/strangers' expectations...allowing us the luxury of being introspective or inane or irregular with our posts, without having to worry about what it would do to our site stats..

blogging is a medium born with an Achilles heel ...its very plebeian-ness, that contributes to its huge popularity is damaging to its prospects in the long run...most people refuse to take blogs/bloggers seriously (except perhaps bloggers themselves)...sometimes with good reason: unlike other media that at least *attempt* to appear unprejudiced and 'balanced'; blogs carry no sense of personal/professional accountability...and a personal bias/outright agenda is actually considered a good thing...

I've often been asked: what's a person like you doing in a place like this, and I've always replied in defence of the medium...blogging is entertaining and engrossing, and in the absence/restriction of real-life contact, is a great way to connect with/simply look in and learn from other people's experiences and perspectives and lives...does a 'real-life' connection with people whose facial and vocal expressions one can see and hear, whose cheeks touch one's own in greeting everyday, make this remote connection redundant?

I sincerely hope not.

even though we're all really busy with real-life projects, that, unlike push-button publishing require tons of patience and perseverance and paperwork to see them through, we still hope to keep this connection alive...in shaa Allaah.

the purpose of language: identification/classification, inclusion/exclusion

The 'papers I read are all awash with details of "the split", with the media digging into every detail with customary relish.

It seems all fingers are pointing to the fatal and irreparable 'middleclass-ness' of the bride-to-be's Mum, demonstrated by her incriminating use of "pleased to meet you"instead of "Hello Ma'am" when introduced to the Queen, followed by a question on the whereabouts of the "toilet" as opposed to the more genteel "lavatory".

I find it interesting (and intensely irritating) when people use language to classify/identify people and box them in convenient niches in their mind.

I've lost count of the number of times I've come across people who speak a particular dialect of a language, dissing others who speak the same language in a different dialect, for their pronunciation, syntax...their obvious "not-like-us-ness."

When I was growing up, learning/speaking one's native tongue in public was considered extremely declasse and people would openly sneer "verrrrrrrrrrrn" (short for vernacular) at those who didn't know better. Kids were fined (a trifle, Re. 1) for speaking native from the moment they got onto the school bus "for your own good", to encourage fluency and a posh pronunciation.

In a kind of inverse snobbery, when I went to college where most people came from a non-English speaking background, seniors would rag one mercilessly if they caught one speaking in English!

Looking back, I realise that each group was trying to make language a tool of forced homogeneity, of identity; of class; of inclusion and exclusion; an extension of their own limited comfort zone.

I'm still exposed to this mental sorting out process, I've been asked numerous times what my "first language" is...meaning did I always speak in English, in preference to my "native" tongue? People express a nasty kind of amazement when my children speak in English and Arabic ...I'm often told: "you've made strangers of your children"...never mind if these same people would willingly pay tutors to teach them the same languages!

Language is a tool of communication/connection...turning it into a tool of contention (my lingo can beat your lingo, my accent is better than your accent!) is abusing it...I often think of the infinite Mercy in the permissibility to recite the Qur'aan in seven ways (qira'at) and its revelation in seven modes (ahruf).

If differences of dialect are good enough for Allaah's Words, why aren't they good enough for the rest of us?