Into the Mind of a Mum (3)

Why I won't buy you a or a and no, my name isn't Ebenezer Scrooge.
okay, I won't buy you or let you buy a laptop or a must-have mobile even though we both have the money to buy both those things (alhamdulillaah) because:
a) It's the old need v/s want thing.
Why on earth would you need a personal laptop at your age when we've got our vintage computer and my dell? (decrepit and lately defunct, but dell all the same). Yes, I know the ratio of users v/s computers in our house is skewed, but still...

b) I'm old fashioned and genetically desi. That translates to: i believe that if you want something really bad which you don't really need, you should work for it. You know what that means...more messed up rooms to clean at the exorbitant rate of SR 100 per room...but think of the satisfaction you'll get when you'll eventually have earned enough money from the sweat of your brow...just think!

c) Laptops allow you to spend unlimited time surfing the net or writing mystery stories and mobiles make it easy for you to call /text random people just to see what they're up to ...both induce you to waste time and money. Why would I let you buy something like that?

d) Seriously though, after seeing what happened to my miskeen old laptop and (just yesterday) my pathetic mobile, how can you even think of having fancy new ones in a house full of sippy cups and leaking bottles, curious fingers and mechanically inclined little minds?

Into the Mind of a Mum (2)

Why I won't let you fool around with your hair / face.

Cross posted on the Sisters-in-Faith blog .

Into the Mind of a Mum (1)

I'm thinking of starting a series of posts that unravel the workings of a mum's mind. Mind you, this is not a generic Mum I'm talking about, this is specifically about the thoughts of one mum among millions: me (not to imply that I'm one in a million or anything :P) so that kids in general and my own kids in particular, get an insight into what's really behind a mother's seemingly bizarre and/or unreasonable commands/demands.

Today, I'm going to start with:

Why I won't let you make an internet ''friend''

You know, in desiland they have this saying: someone who's been burnt by (hot) milk, will drink even (cold) buttermilk by carefully blowing on it. Clumsy translation I know, but basically the message is the same: once bitten twice shy.

After having 'met' and interacted with, confided in, shared work, life histories, experiences, ideas and laughs out loud with plenty of people online, I feel patently qualified to tell you kids that an online ''friendship'' is definitely not for you.

Here are my reasons why:

1. There are scores of criminals and sick people cruising the internet, just waiting to sink their talons into gullible young people looking for an online 'friend'.

I keep reading these stories in the media of how youngsters are lured into conversations with people posing as 'friends' their own age that eventually lead them to great harm.

I think you should be aware of this... this is not just happening to other people, it could happen to anyone. I won't let you expose yourself to this danger, just like I wouldn't let you walk down a busy, unlit road alone at night.

As'alAllaahu al'afwa wal aafiyah.

I ask Allaah to protect you and all the other kids who are careless/unaware of this aspect from all harm.

PS: This site has some useful internet safety rules for Muslim kids...a really beneficial read.

2. On the internet, you are an online 'persona' not a real 'person'.

Sure, online friends might share their thoughts and ideas and innermost feelings with you and you might do the same, but you'll never know the sum total of their personality and they'll never know what you are all about, unless you meet and interact with them in real life.

You know how it is with people, you come to really know them after meeting them over a period of several years -- the nuances of their characters, their good and bad qualities (and yours) are revealed slowly through time and different circumstances.

On the other hand, what you know about people online is what they tell you, you can't make any conclusions of your own because you haven't seen them, haven't heard their tone of voice or observed their body language. You've no idea how they will react when things aren't all that rosy...for example if you have a disagreement / argument.

Sometimes people end up saying things they shouldn't have said / giving out TMI (too much information) about themselves or unconsciously hurting people by their words / actions online. You know it's impossible to unsay words and undo actions, moreso in a virtual world.

So, I strongly feel that instead of investing your time and emotions into someone who really can't be there for you when you need them or when they need you (in moments of crisis / need) you would be better off without all this hassle and unnecessary drama.

You can spend your time and efforts a whole lot more fruitfully by making connections with real people around you, who you can relate with and depend on, who can see you and who can do things for you, and vice versa.

3. Internet friends are for old (er) people

I know this sounds like a double standard, but I firmly believe that kids don't have the psychological maturity, emotional intelligence or fine-honed discretion to make online friends like older, more experienced and well-weathered people do .

No seriously, as you see more of the world, you learn to pick people with greater care and some of us develop this fine instinct / intuition that helps us zero in on the right people and steer clear of the others, alhamdulillaah.

I've 'met' and talked to and had some really stimulating, enriching exchanges with some amazing people over the internet whose existence I'd have been completely unaware of otherwise. Unfortunately, you have to be (at least) my age before you have the know-how to do that :P

So until then, please chill.

• Remember Allaah and make duaa so that He blesses you with tayyib rizq -- companions and friends whose love brings benefit near Him.
• Connect with people around you (cousins, school-friends / family friends' kids).
• Make 'friends' with your siblings instead of always being at war.
• Talk to your parents if you're lonely / confused / need someone to confide in.

• Spend time with the best of people:

"It is reported from Nu’aym bin Hammaad:‘Abdullah bin Al-Mubaarak used to often stay at home, so he was asked, “Don’t you get lonely?” He replied, “How could I get lonely when I am with the Prophet – Allaah’s peace and blessings be upon him (i.e. I read his hadeeth)?”

Also on the authority of Nu’aym bin Hammaad:It was once said to ‘Abdullah bin Al-Mubaarak, “O Abu ‘Abd Al-Rahmaan, you often sit alone at home.” He said, “I am alone? I am with the Prophet - Allaah’s peace and blessings be upon him – and his Companions.” Meaning: reading hadeeth.

Ibn ‘Asaakir, Taareekh Dimashq 32/458.Shaqeeq bin Ibraaheem reports:It was once said to ‘Abdullah bin Al-Mubaarak, “After you have prayed with us you don’t sit with us?” He replied, “I go and sit with the Sahaabah and the Taabi’een.” We said, “And how can you sit with the Sahaabah and Taabi’een (when they have all passed away)?” He replied, “I go and read the knowledge I have collected, I find their narrations and deeds. What would I do with you? You sit around backbiting people.”

[Adh-Dhahabee, Siyar A’laam Al-Nubalaa' in his biography of ‘Abdullah bin Al-Mubaarak.]

In conclusion, I won't let you be/have an online friend because I love you and want to do the right thing for you, even though you might not agree with me/ understand why it has to be this way, right now.

in shaa Allaah, one day you'll know.